Often times, as women, we like to puzzle together the mystery that is our husbands. What are they really thinking? Why is he so quiet? Why hasn’t he told me he likes my new hair cut? And so on.
We contemplate and ponder what could really be on our husband’s minds, when sometimes all it takes is…asking them! I know, it sounds so simple, almost too simple. But communication is such a vital part to a healthy marriage, and rather than just wondering what’s on your husband’s mind, why not use it as an opportunity to check in with him and genuinely ask him?
Keeping the lines of communication open in a marriage
Throughout the course of your marriage you will have thousands of conversations with your husband. There will be light and silly conversations and there will be deep and important conversations. But all types of conversations are important in keeping the lines of communication open. And keeping these lines of communication open keeps your marriage strong and healthy.
One of the things that eats away at a marriage more than anything else is unspoken hurts and “burying things deep” which causes things like resentment and bitterness to surface and to spread like a disease. There are ways to overcome that bitterness and resentment, but it’s better just to not get there at all to begin with.
So keep the lines of communication open with your husband. Have those light and fluffy conversations and make time to have the deeper and more meaningful conversations too. They are all important for the health of your marriage.
These questions will help you to dive deep into your husband’s heart and what you can do for him.
The questions I’m going to share with you are questions that you can ask your husband to dive deep into his heart and how you can help him as a wife. It’s important to be prepared for whatever answer he responds with. Because you don’t want to ask these questions just to find offence with him or to have another reason to harbor bitterness. But rather, you want to ask him these questions so you can gather his constructive feedback that can help you to be a better wife for him.
Don’t ask these questions only to turn on him when his answer isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. I want to stress that you should take time to pray and examine your own heart before asking these questions. Some of them are lighter questions but others will open up the doors for deep and heartfelt communication.
And, if you are open to really hearing your husband out, it can open up the opportunity for your marriage to grow stronger and deeper. But only if you’re ready!
Now let’s get to the questions…
1. What is one thing I can do to make your days less stressful?
Asking this question can open up the opportunity to know what affects your husband’s days the most and what you can do to help alleviate some stress and bring some joy to his days. Would greeting him at the door when he comes home brighten his day? Or is he extremely stressed by tripping over toys when he comes home? Every man is different, but knowing what you can do for him personally will help you to know where you should put your time and effort each day.
2. What is your favorite way for me to demonstrate my love for you?
The Bible instructs how to behave as wives. But every person’s love language is different. Some people respond best to acts of kindness, and others need that touch and show of affection. And it’s important to know what your husband needs from you to be re-assured that you love and care for him. You can both take the quiz on the 5 Love Languages website or read the book. There are other ones out there, but I think that one is a really good one. Knowing what love language your husband speaks will do wonders for your marriage.
3. Thinking back, what is the best thing I’ve ever done for you?
It’s good to know what things have resonated with your husband and what has really stood out in his mind as being amazing. So asking your husband what the best thing (in his mind) that you’ve ever done for him is can help you to know what you should continue doing for him. If he was really taken back by a surprise gift or perhaps it was a random back massage, then you can know these types of things really resonate with him and mean a lot to him…and you can do them (or things like them) more often!
4. Is there anything I do that hurts you?
This is going to be a tough one to ask. And if you don’t think you can take the constructive criticism well, then it might not be the right time to ask. But, if you’re ready and willing to make a change for the sake of your marriage, then humbly ask your husband if there’s anything that you do (or have done) that hurts him. Knowing his answer can help you to evaluate how you treat him and if there is anything you need to do to change your own attitude and actions towards him.
5. What is your favorite meal that you would love to have for dinner at least once a week?
Now this is a lighter and more fun question, but one that can make a big difference! They say that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, and even though that might not be entirely accurate, it can mean a lot to your husband to make the food that he loves. There may be favorite foods he has that you never make because you’re not a big fan of them (guilty here!). But making them can really lighten his day and be another way to show him that you love and care for him and his needs.
6. If anything, what would you change about our sex life?
Back to another tough (or maybe just awkward) one. Asking your husband what he would change about your sex life can open the door to some personal and not so fun answers. However, sex is an important part of marriage and it’s particularly big for men. So if you can do something to make this area more enjoyable and fulfilling for him then it’s important to know what’s working and what’s not. I’d also like to note here that you should be careful not to do anything that would go against God’s will, just cause your husband asks you to. God’s will comes first and your husband’s second. But if there is something you can do to improve your sex life with your husband, then this would be a good opportunity to know what that could be.
7. What is your favorite thing to do with me?
Sometimes it’s easy to tell what your husband likes to do together. But, other times he might surprise you. Asking him what his favorite thing to do together is can help you to plan your time alone more strategically. Perhaps he really enjoys going to hockey games with you, but they aren’t your cup of tea. Well, knowing that it’s something he loves can put a whole new spin on it, and maybe it can be something you do with him because it brings him joy. Whatever the case may be, knowing what he loves doing with you the most can make your precious time alone even more special.
8. Is there anything you need from me that I’m not giving you?
I’ve saved probably the toughest one for last. There were a few tough ones in this list, but asking your husband what you aren’t giving him can feel like walking out onto a steep ledge. It’s asking him for something specifically that you’ve been lacking in. And you need to make sure that you’re prepared to hear his answer out with love and gentleness and with a heart that is prepared to be changed. Because you can’t respond here in a defensive way, but in a way that is willing to change and mold so that you can be shaped into the best wife you can possibly be.
Asking the right questions and with the right mindset can do wonders for your marriage
Knowing what questions to ask your husband can be tough. I’ve shared a few that you can ask him to really dive deep and make impactful changes on your marriage…if you’re willing to do the work to change. It’s vital that if you choose to ask these questions, that you ask them when you’re in the right mindset. Not during a time that you’re going to snap and turn on him. But rather during a time that you are ready and willing to do some work to change the ares that aren’t working and more fervently continue doing the things that are.
And when you’re in this mindset and you’re asking the right questions…then hold on tight because these are the kinds of conversations that can take your marriage to a deeper and more meaningful level.
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