It can be all too easy to allow an argument between you and your spouse to get heated and build steam. But heated arguments don’t solve problems, they only create anguish and division. And they are a device of the enemy. Learn how to stop heated arguments in their tracks so they can’t hold any power over your marriage!
Humble Yourself and Apologize
One of the quickest way to stop a heated argument is to humble yourself. And when in the midst of the argument that usually means apologizing for your part in the situation. Whatever it may be, we all play a role. And even if it seems like your spouse is more to blame, humbling yourself and genuinely apologizing for the part you have played can be like water on a fire. And it can quickly cause an argument to lose steam and die off. You might even find your spouse apologizing too, but even if that’s not the case remember that your response (and not theirs) is your responsibility.
Lower Your Tone of Voice
In a heated argument you are often inclined to increase the tone and volume of your voice, especially if the other person is doing the same and you’re trying to talk over them. But instead of doing that, consciously lower the tone and volume of your voice. Sometimes this can get the other person to lower their volume as well and it can take the heat out of the argument altogether.
Allow Your Spouse to Speak…and Listen to Them
Whatever your spouse might be saying in a heated argument might be hard to hear, and it might not even be things that are true. But arguing within the heat of the moment doesn’t solve anything. In fact, it will often build up walls on both sides that can’t be penetrated or reasoned with at all. Instead, force yourself to stop talking and just listen to what your spouse has to say. Let them completely get out their side of it before you say what you want to say. This will prevent talking over top of each other and adding steam to the argument.
Talk About the Elephant (aka the Enemy) in the Room
If you are both Christians then often times pointing out that the enemy is riding the situation can help to calm the storm. It can be like a wake up call to realize that the demons riding us are influencing us to argue with each other. Often times when my husband and I pull out this card we can realize that we are not enemies, but we have a common enemy and we need to work together and not against each other.
Don’t View Your Spouse as the Enemy
If you are having a particularly big argument or you’ve been at odds for awhile it can be easy to see your spouse as the enemy. When this really isn’t true. Even if your husband is doing things that are wrong, the real enemy is against the spiritual wickedness that rides your husband, you, and even your marriage as a whole (Ephesians 6:12). The sooner you realize this the better off you are to stopping these types of arguments. Instead, realize that both you and your husband are facing the same enemy and that you are better off working together as a partnership rather than being at odds with each other.
Be Willing to Compromise, or Let it Go
There are many different arguments that you could potentially be facing. But a lot of times these arguments are when you and your husband disagree with the way something should be done. If you find yourself in this type of argument try talking to your spouse about a potential compromise that you can both agree to. And if he is unwilling to do that, then consider letting it go. The Bible calls for the wife to submit themselves to their husbands (Ephesians 5:22). And so long as what he is wanting doesn’t go against God’s revealed will then it might just be time to let it go (for real, not in a bitter way) and let him have it his way. It’s oftentimes not worth the argument.
Seek Professional Help When Needed
If you find yourself in a long standing argument or are facing troubles getting along with your spouse on a regular basis then never completely rule out getting outside help. Oftentimes it can be really helpful to have an outside neutral 3rd party to hear both sides. Having a friend or family member won’t always work because they often aren’t neutral. Instead seek help from your pastor/preacher or a Christian marriage counselor who won’t jump straight to the divorce card but will try to help you through it.
Stopping Heating Arguments With Your Spouse Starts With YOU
You are responsible for your own actions. You can’t control how your spouse responds though. But YOU can respond in a humble, gentle, and loving way, even when they don’t deserve it. And you’d often be surprised by the response. Because the Bible says that submitting yourself to your husband has the power to win over your husband simply by your actions and not necessarily by what you say.
“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.” – 1 Peter 3:1-2